The best moves in today’s Champions League were Micah Richards and Jamie Carragher, who danced their “Table Time” segment on the CBS Post-Match show. Once the rave gear came out and the lights dimmed Micah became ELECTRIC.

Club Brugge 1 – 0 Aston Villa

For a low scoreline, there was no lack of drama. A thoroughly absorbing match featuring vibrant attacks, sharp passing and many shots on frame was ultimately decided by… a dunderheaded play from Tyrone Mings when he picked up the ball after a goal kick, throwing it back to Emi Martinez. Even the referee looked apologetic when he pointed to the spot. Thankfully, he did not issue a yellow, which would have resulted in Mings exiting to the dressing room.

Even the 10 year olds I referee know better than this…

Shakhtar Donetsk 2 – 1 Young Boys

-4 & -9. These aren’t betting lines, they’re the goal differential of each team. Yeah, I can smell it too. Shakhtar had to shake off a 27th minute defensive SNAFU that allowed Kastriot Imeri to give Young Boys the lead, but only 14 minutes later they sat one to the plus and rode that horse to the finish.

Bayern Munich 1 – 0 Benfica

This was the day’s premiere fixture, and what a disappointment. Benfica were, frankly, crap… one single shot on goal, only 26% possession. Yikes. On the other end, Bayern need to have a good, long look in the mirror and ask why they didn’t deliver a 4 or 5 goal beat-down today. 

Inter Milan 1 – 0 Arsenal

Hakan Çalhanoğlu hit from the spot. On the Dutch front, Denzel Dumfries’ highlight might have been his shot that hit the crossbar, but it was his head’s up goal-line clearance to hold the lead that was more impactful. Thierry Henry getting real with his former club:

That’s gotta sting.

Feyenoord 1 – 3 RB Salzburg

Dutch luck finally ran out. Too bad they didn’t drink their Red Bull.

Paris St. Germain 1 – 2 Atlético Madrid

Two teams that needed a win. So of course it looked like a draw was in the books until the 93rd minute, when a quick throw by the Madrid keeper found Antoine Griezmann, who executed a clever looping cross-field pass to Ángel Correa who calmly and coolly slotted it home. PSG descended into the dressing rooms rueing their numerous squandered opportunities.

Red Star Belgrade 1 – 5 Barcelona

Was this ever in doubt? Barcelona have scored 55 goals in 15 games so far. ALERT: Robert Lewandowski could hit the 100 UCL goal mark in Match Week 5, having bagged a brace today.

Sparta Prague 1 – 2 Brest

If fairy tales were real, they’d be like Brest. For those curious where the hell Brest is, other than FOURTH on the table, please see below:

Meanwhile in a little Gaulish village called Brest…

Stuttgart 0 – 2 Atalanta

Quick… who’s the only team that hasn’t conceded a goal this UCL? That would be Atalanta, who despite the defensive heroics haven’t always been great on the other end. Stuttgart lose their first home game (in any competition) in over a year and slide into the Elimination Zone.

THE STANDINGS

It’s a topsy-turvy world out there, and our UCL table at the conclusion of Match Week 4 is no different.

Rare Air

Automatic Qualifiers
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Hazy View

Heading to a Playoff
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LA-type Smog

Say goodnight, Gracie.
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