Normally the International Break is a time where I can sit back a bit, catch a deep breath or two, and maybe watch a Netherlands match if I’m feeling masochistic. But then along comes something tall, blonde and striking and I get sucked right back into the beautiful flytrap of soccer.
The honeypot siren to my attention span this week is Viktor Gyökeres. Maybe you heard what he did on the pitch yesterday (four goals against Azerbaijan on Nov. 19th). Or maybe you’ve been watching him since his return from knee surgery on August 3rd simply tearing new bungholes in defenses all over Europe. And because he’s Swedish, what better way to celebrate our International Break but by comparing him to another Scandinavian hotshot goalscorer, Norway’s Erling Haaland.
The Tale of the Tape
| Viktor | Erling | |
| Age | 26 | 25 |
| Height | 1.89 m (6 ft 2 in) | 1.94 m (6 ft 4 in) |
| Number / Position | 9 / striker | 9 / striker |
| Goals / Games Club (24/25 season) | 23 / 18 | 16 / 15 |
| Goals / Games Country (2024) | 10 / 7 | 11 / 10 |
| Position on the Nations League scorers list | 1st (9 goals) | 2nd (8 goals) |
| Hat-tricks (all comps, 24/25 season) | 4 | 3 |
| Goals / Games Career (all comps) | 159 / 325 (0.49 per game) | 298 / 353 (0.84 per game) |
| Diacriticals | Umlaut (ö) | Overring (å) |
| X-Factors | Hotter | Gonna be a baby daddy |
Let’s be honest, nothing about either player’s stats is exactly NORMAL. And while Gyökeres holds the edge this season in nearly every category(and is more metal due to his ümläüt), Haaland is the more consistent and ruthless performer over the past five seasons. In any event, having two extraordinary talents like this operating at such INSANE levels at the same time makes for scintillating watching. And I never complain about too much of a good thing.
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