Normally my cynicism and general assholery guide my writing, but even I am subject to the power, majesty and, yes, magic that can manifest in sport.
Despite Group Stage scandal (looking at you France) and a dismal showing from the New Zealand team, this Round of 16 set of matches has thrown some spanners into the works and produced some truly stunning results.
Netherlands 1-3 Ukraine
The Dutch may be football royalty but in futsal they’re lowly footmen, never making much of a splash (unless they’re falling on their face). Ukraine soundly beat Oranje, including a third goal scored during a goalkeeper substitution (yes, that is allowed and yes, it is embarrassing).
Brazil 5-0 Costa Rica
Have you ever walked by a crime scene, and there’s a bloody corpse under a tarp behind the yellow caution tape, and the cop barks: “Keep moving, bub, nothing to see here.” Yeah. Exactly.
Paraguay 3 (a.e.t.)-1 Afghanistan
Apparently some bright bulb on the Paraguayan coaching staff reminded the players that this was a must-win game. La Albirroja then scored two goals in quick succession in extra-time to seal the deal against a scrappy Afghanistan side participating in their nation’s first international tournament ever. Kudos for advancing out of the group stage. Now go home.
Spain 1-2 Venezuela
Genuine jaw-dropper here. Spain are a two-time world champion. Venezuela? A two-time qualifier. Spain’s FIFA ranking = 3; Venezuela’s? 21. Spain won their pool with a +14 goal differential. Venezuela? Advanced as the fourth 3rd place team with a -6 GD. But like shingles, futsal doesn’t care. Despite taking TWICE as many shots, Spain suffers an embarrassing defeat; Venezuela drinks from the sweet chalice of the upset.
Iran 3-4 Morocco
They might be the champions of Africa, but the Atlas Lions had to be the underdogs against a seasoned, experienced Iranian squad. Shocker #1… Team Melli trailed 4-1 at the half as Morocco played inspiring, creative futsal. The second half saw Iran claw their way back to make it 4-3. That’s when Shocker #2 happened.
Portugal 1-2 Kazakhstan
Oh fuck me. This rematch from 2021’s semi-final DEE-LIVE-ERRED, and then some. 0:14 fucking seconds left on the clock and Kazakhstan squeeze in a goal to take a 2-1 lead!? Despite hitting the net with 0:00 time left, defending world champs Portugal were eliminated, their run of 35 straight victories coming to an end.
Thailand 2-5 France
A “thrillara-in-Bukhara” this was NOT. I honestly and truly wanted to see France fail. To my chagrin Les Coqs prevailed, largely behind an unreal display from their goalkeeper Francis Lokoka. Thailand was game, however, but ultimately came up short.
Argentina 2-0 Croatia
I love futsal, but if your only introduction to the sport was this dungheap of a match, you’d turn your back and walk away…. The upside is we will see an Albiceleste vs. Cazaquistão fixture.
Next Week: reports on the Quarterfinals.
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