Two GOATs Retire (in Very Different Ways)

Everyone knew this day would come, when the two GOATs of global soccer, Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi, would grow their beards too long and gray, and retreat from the international spotlight.

Here were two bright stars whose gleaming trajectories encircled one another, luminescence ebbing and flowing, fueled by their fierce competitiveness. But Old Man Time cannot be outrun, and for both these stars, the finish line has arrived during this last international break.

Which Team are You On?

Regardless of which side you align with, Team Ronaldo or Team Messi, let’s just agree that both are GOATs in their own right. The endless litany of who lifted what trophy, or scored X many goals, or contributed Y many assists, can be researched by anyone with a reasonable command of prompt-language, and cross-checked through myriad LLMs. 

Frankly, it’s a wasteful exercise. I’ll state here that I admire and respect both. I also loathe and abhor them. That dichotomy is normal, healthy even. But even I was taken aback with the drama that unfolded over the past week as these two aging cowboys rode off into the sunset.

I’ll stretch out the Western analogy a little longer, mainly because I live in the West, and it seems fitting. Here are two footballers who have grown into larger-than-like characters and etched their place in the pantheon, much like Doc Holliday, Jesse James, Will Bill Hickock, etc. The West places their heroes atop tall pedestals, even as it tolerates and excuses their obvious flaws. And it also chews them up and spits out their remains, searching hungrily for the next, younger hero.

Messi’s Triumphant Farewell… Ronaldo’s Skulking Exit

These two X posts are from yesterday, from the same publication: The Athletic. It perfectly encapsulates most people’s feeling about Ronaldo and Messi this week. The diminutive Argentine gets the expected hagiographic touch; the Portuguese man-baby is treated like a black-hatted villain.

I won’t dignify either with a long-winded justification. But Ronaldo’s international break has been significantly more dramatic, and damaging to his long-term legacy, than Messi’s. Slinking out of the Portuguese training camp in Denmark towards a private jet waiting to take him Lord-knows-where, he’s manifested all the petulance and churlish behavior expected of him.

Any conversations between him and Portugal’s manager Jorge Jesus should remain between them. I don’t want to get in to a “he said; he said” argument. They’re both adults. Keep the spat out of the public eye.

But the fact remains… Portugal said adeus to Ronaldo after their 1-0 win over Wales. They then proceeded to win their next three matches. It’s done. They’re over him. And both sides know it.

Messi’s Final Goodbye… er, Cash Grab

Among the dozens of iconic Lionel Messi images should be his triumphant smile after lifting the World Cup trophy in 2022, juxtaposed with his tear-streaked face after losing to Spain in 2026. The high, and the low, perfectly framed.

Instead, we get Messi clad in a one-off kit specially designed for his final match. His teammates all wear it too. As did most of the 85,000 who flocked to Estadio Monumental in Buenos Aires to watch his 208th cap — and his last.

That kit, for what it’s worth, cost between $150,000 to $260,000 Argentinian pesos (prices varied by size and customization). Half of the country’s workers earn less than $500,000 per month.

The opposition was Benin. A country whose FIFA ranking is nearly 90 spots below Argentina. Not exactly stiff competition. Did Messi deliver? Yes. He had two assists (66 all time), plus a goal from the penalty spot (his 126th). The last is particularly ironic, as Messi is known for being poor at penalty shots.

As Messi wandered the pitch after the whistle, waving and applauding the crowd, drones overhead whirred to put on a show. But the initial image wasn’t off the beloved no.10, it was an advertisement for a bank. The crowd booed. The drones shifted and finally settled into the GOAT’s kit.

That kinda says it all.

And let’s not forget another GOAT: Guillermo Ochoa

There are a grand total of three players who have recorded minutes across six different World Cups: the third is Guillermo Ochoa. Ochoa had his formal farewell ceremony before tonight’s Mexico friendly against Chile. In front of a huge crowd at Los Angeles Memorial Stadium, the 38 year-old, who announced his retirement after Mexico’s elimination to England over the summer, received the adulation he deserved. Not all greats score goals; they can stop them too.