We’re gonna do this one a little different… I’m gonna list all the matches below, along with my <cough> expert opinion on the outcome. After the game plays out, my usually insightful and pithy game commentary will follow.

Nov. 1

Las Vegas Lights 0(3) – 0(2) Sacramento Republic

PREDICTION: Despite the Lights having the line (hey, they’re from Vegas, of COURSE they’re favored) and having beaten Sac twice in the regular season I’m going for the upset here… 2-1 Sacramento.

REPORT: I got this one flat wrong… after a nervy 0-0 scoreline at regulation plus extra time, the teams had to step to the mark. Vegas keeper Raiko Arozarena seemed to double in size, blocking a remarkable 3 of the 5 shots Sac took.

Nov. 2

Memphis 901 FC 0 – 1 (aet) Orange County SC

PREDICTION: Orange County hasn’t lost to Memphis in TWO YEARS. Think they’re gonna start now? Yeah, me too. But it will go into extra time from 1-1.

REPORT: I called it! Sort of. They entered extra time at 0-0 instead of 1-1, but true to form, Orange County played their role of playoff spoiler to topple Memphis.

Charleston Battery 1 – 0 Pittsburgh Riverhounds

PREDICTION: This battle of the yellow & black’s got me buzzing more than a hive of bees. But Battery will pull it out by a 1-0

REPORT: I humbly bow my head, now having called two-in-a-row. This was a perfect prediction as well.

Detroit City FC 1(3) – 1(1) Tampa Bay Rowdies

PREDICTION: I like the Rowdies here. Reeling from two disasters, they’re playing for more than the game. 4-2, lots o goals.

REPORT: I just want to say that if you add the PKs to the initial score, you get 4-2. Of course, I picked the wrong team to win, but we take any tiny victories.

Louisville City FC 3-2 North Carolina FC

PREDICTION: I see no future for NCFC (though they do have one of the cleverest named beers out there: “The Sitter & the Striker”. Louisville 3-1.

REPORT: Freaking Bryce Washington of NCFC clawed back a goal at ’90+4 to spoil my perfect prediction. Bastard.

Colorado Springs Switchbacks FC 2-0 Oakland Roots

PREDICTION: This one will end in a 2-2 draw. PKs will ensue, and Oakland hearts will break when they fall short.

REPORT: I watched this on the telly down at Line 51 Brewing (they support a number of Oakland teams and are good folks) and boy was I disappointed. The Roots continued their anemic form, limpid in the attacking third. Their defense was marginally better, and Jairo Henriquez’s opening goal came from some clever dribbling, crisp passing, a lucky deflection and a Roots defender who failed to hold his line (thus keeping Jairo onside). So it goes. The second goal came off a penalty that nobody on the broadcast could see, as it occurred away from the ball and was not caught on camera. I cannot spew outrage, since I have no idea what happened. To their credit, Roots finally woke up and showed some character in the final 30, but all they could collect were yellow cards. Hasta luego, Roots. See you next season.

Nov. 3

Indy Eleven vs. Rhode Island FC

PREDICTION: Rhode Island’s first trip to the playoffs will end here 3-0.

REPORT: If someone, anyone, had told me about Jerome Williams I would have not made such a bold (and dunderheaded) prediction. He bagged himself a hat-trick before the 60th minute and while Indy scored two of their own, RIFC prevailed.

New Mexico United vs. Phoenix Rising FC

PREDICTION: I smell an upset here. New Mexico has not been strong in this final quarter, and Phoenix know how to post-season. 2-0 Rising.