This week’s article is brought to you by… wait a second, we’re getting some breaking news on the mojowire (look it up, nod to Hunter S. Thompson):

We now return you to our regularly scheduled snark.
Saturday, Nov. 24
Leicester 1-2 Chelsea
Not to take away from the Nicholas Jackson and Enzo Fernandez show that fueled Chelsea’s win, but wasn’t that a PK? Not that a draw would’ve been fair… Chelsea were obviously the better team.
In hindsight… oops.
Arsenal 3-0 Nottingham Forest
For all those riding the Nottingham Forest hype train, your station has arrived. Time to get off onto the cold, wet platform of reality. Nothing I can write will surpass the highlights, so just watch below.
Aston Villa 2-2 Crystal Palace
Sarr-y? Not sorry. On a cold rainy evening in Birmingham, the Eagles came to play. Ismaël Sarr kicked things off with a brilliant run through on a Jean-Philippe Mateta pass to beat Emi Martinez in the 4th minute. I won’t dignify VAR’s intervention on the soft penalty call, but I will give Dean Henderson full points for a fine stop. On the ensuing corner, Palace caught the Villa defenders snoozing. Sarr’s stumbling run forced him into a cross which fell onto the right foot of young Justin Devenny, who did not fail to finish for his first Premier League goal. For Palace fans, thus was a disappointment, all of the effort and class thrown out from two defensive slip-ups.
Bournemouth 1-2 Brighton
Lies, damn lies, and statistics. Bournemouth dominated possession (57%), shot attempts (14 to 2), shots on target (5 to 4), corners (7 to 0) and players on the fields (11 to 10 after Carlos Baleba’s second yellow in the 59th minute)… but it was Brighton who walked away with 3 points and in 5th place, the ecstatic AMEX fans chanting about Europe.
Everton 0-0 Brentford
Winner of the Week 12 snoozefest. Brentford were reduced to 10 early, and Everton could not capitalize, despite 21 shots (only 4 on target).
Fulham 1-4 Wolverhampton
Many pundits, this one included, have been clamoring that Wolves were better than their record. After their second consecutive win, the general populace might start jumping that bandwagon as well.
Manchester City 0-4 Tottenham Hotspur
Haven’t had a 10xHA game for a few weeks now, but Man City clinched that honor with bells on. I’ll be honest, when Yves Bissouma drew a yellow 20 SECONDS into the match I thought Spurs were cooked. James Maddison: “Hold my beer.”
City have to be in full-on crisis mode now.
Sunday, Nov. 24
Southhampton 2-3 Liverpool
There are wins, and then there are UGLY wins. And it didn’t get much fuglier than this one. Mohamad Salah proved the difference maker in what could graciously be termed a chippy affair on the south coast. Champions find ways to extract wins in fixtures like this.
Ipswich 1-1 Manchester United
(After 25 minutes)
Marcus Rashford scored within the first two minutes of the game and Man U fans are already anointing Amorim the new god of Old Trafford, and have launched a GoFundMe to erect a statue. But my gut says this will not end well.
(After 43 minutes)
Told you so.
(After 90+ minutes)
Told you so.
Newcastle United 0-2 West Ham
Sunday’s mic drop around Leicester’s termination of manager Steve Cooper could have been followed by news of similar stature from West London, but the Hammer’s convincing victory over a hapless looking Newcastle seems to have bought Julen Lopetegui some breathing room.

“Julen Lopetegui 14092024” by Timmy96 is marked with CC0 1.0.
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