I tell ya, this league starts & stops worse than my 1978 Triumph TR7 (pictured above). Match Week 7 of the Premier League is now behind us, and there was plenty of drama for us to snark on.

October 5 Game Report

Crystal Palace 0-1 Liverpool

Hey, Marc Guehi! You have one job, mate, and you bottled it! That 8th minute strike from Diogo Jota proved to be enough, but all in all not the worst effort from the hosts, who looked decently lively in the second half. This is the second straight week in the Relegation Zone for the Eagles, while Liverpool appear to strut from their top-of-table position.

Arsenal 3-1 Southampton

I can’t quite put my (middle) finger on Arsenal. Another game where statistically they dominated, but watching it I was just not convinced… until that last-gasp surge. But then again, never look a gift-win in the mouth, they say. (Editor: Do they?

Brentford 5-3 Wolverhampton

Cor, what a scoreline! Brentford continues to notch those early goals (their first here came after 76 seconds!), but this time Wolves gifted them a bunch more through some bone-headed play. Gary O’Neil will be busy updating that LinkedIn profile during the break.

Leicester 1-0 Bournemouth

So the Foxes are the first promoted team to snatch a win off the foot of teenager Facundo Buonanotte. Jamie Vardy was spotted afterwards hand signaling his Starbucks order to the visiting supporters, who had to be chewing on their disappointment during that long coach trip south… having hit the crossbar twice and having an equalizer nullified by the offside flag.

https://twitter.com/premierleague/status/1844074664861069411
Pure class, this.

Manchester City 3-2 Fulham

Ahead of this fixture City had proclaimed total victory over that petty Premier League acronym witch-hunt (Erm, not the 115 PSR one, but the ATP one); a claim that was also espoused in the opposite direction. None of this has any relevance to the game, which wasn’t pretty for the lads in blue, but a win is a win is a win. Especially when punctuated by a pugnacious press release.

West Ham 4-1 Ipswich

For the first time this season the Hammers resembled a proper, thrilling football club. As for Ispwich, I keep thinking that this is the week where they’ll reward my belief in them, only to be let down once again. Ipswich = Lucy; Me = Charlie Brown.

Everton 0-0 Newcastle

  • History of this fixture
    • 23 wins each
    • All the rest draws
    • 80 goals scored each
  • My pre-game prediction
    • Something has to give?
  • My post-game analysis
    • Nah, mate… because:
      • Jordan Pickford’s excellence
      • Anthony Gordon’s nerves 

October 6 Game Report

Aston Villa 0-0 Manchester United

After Bruno Fernandes did his best Bernie Bernbaum (“Look into your heart!”) to get his red card rescinded, he repaid United fans by… clanking one off the crossbar. United have zero wins in five games, sit at 14th in the table, have the save number of goals as Crystal Palace. Is this good enough to save Ten Hag? We’ll have to find out.

Chelsea 1-1 Nottingham Forest

Well that was a spirited affair… I mean the bench-clearing scrum at minute 80. You’d think it was a Premier Rugby match given the volume of bodies that converged.  But the actual match wasn’t poor now, was it? Forest hold firm at 10-men for 26 minutes, João Félix squanders a game-winner and Cole Palmer FC is denied (twice) by GK Matz Sels. Chelsea will earn the wrath of the FA for collecting 6+ yellows in a single match for the ninth time, and who knows what fallout might occur after the authorities spend six hours analyzing the brawl… frame… by…frame.

Brighton 3-2 Tottenham

The Battle of the Birds yielded this week’s “10 Ha-Has!” award! After being up 2-0 at the half, the Spurs fell behind to the Gulls after 21 minutes. These are real quotes from Ange Postecoglou’s post-game interview: “We didn’t do what you need to do at this level. We just weren’t competitive. We didn’t win our duels, we lacked intensity, we didn’t deliver the things you need to at this level.” Ouch. Imagine the dressing room where he didn’t have to tone it down for the public….

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