We’re condensed into two days of action from last week’s three… but that concentration has only made the results sweeter.
October 1
Micah Richards exclaimed at the start of CBS’ Post-Match Show: “32 goals! Stay with us!” Match Week 2 began with a BANG!, with a number of the big boyz going head-to-head.
Arsenal 2-0 Paris Saint-Germain
Trossard serves the dime to Havertz’s perfectly timed-run; Saka scuffs a cross past everyone. Donnarumma probably should have done better against those two, but the PSG attack didn’t help him out as Mendes and Neves both struck the woodwork.
Salzburg 0-4 Brest
Two minnows squaring off here, but the visitors from Brittany looked a proper predator by the final whistle. Brest are the feel-good story of the Champions League so far. Will it last against next week’s fixture vs. Leverkusen?
Borussia Dortmund 7-1 Celtic
It only took 41 minutes for Celtic to fall off their high perch from last week’s 5-1 win. By then Dortmund had punctured the visitor’s balloon from two penalties and a Karim Adeyemi hat-trick. They went on to add two more. Can Celtic recover from this shellacking?
Bayer Leverkusen 1-0 Atlético Madrid
This double-take of a scoreline was brought to you by: Victor Boniface. And it was a heaping of more misery in what was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week for Atlético.
PSV Eindhoven 1-1 Sporting
I don’t like to give PSV credit for anything, but they were the better team today. Had they not squandered opportunities this would have been a win. Daniel Bragança’s amazing volley late in the 2nd secured Sporting a point.
Slovan Bratislava 0-4 Manchester City
City made it look smoother than a waltz over the Danube, even having to step over the corpses of an outclassed Slovan team.
Barcelona 5-0 Young Boys
The moral of this story? Boys shouldn’t play against men. Is there any end to the Swizz champ’s misery? Not likely.
October 2
With 32 goals scored yesterday, today’s matches would have to do something special. And, man, they did not disappoint.
Shakhtar Donensk 0-3 Atalanta
Stung by their recent draw vs. Arsenal in the last round, Atalanta unleashed their frustration on poor Shakhtar. Kudos to Raoul Bellanova, who scored his first club goal for the blue-n-black.
Girona 2-3 Feyenoord
An amazing game for the neutral… five goals, two penalties saved, goals called back for marginal off-sides, a rain delay and the final winner comes off an own goal? Neuk me.
Liverpool 2-0 Bologna
The Reds made mincemeat of visiting Bologna, with Alexis MacAllister striking from close and Mohamad Salah sticking the dagger in from distance.
Leipzig 2-3 Juventus
Leipzig were cruising after 45 on a Šeško strike. Then a bonkers 2nd half commenced, which saw Juvé equalize, draw a red card, concede a penalty and give up the lead by the 67th minute. Surely it was over for the Italians… uh… nope.
Benfica 4-0 Atlético Madrid
I found this xeet. It so nasty. At least two are correct; time will tell if positions reverse on any of the other six.
Dinamo Zagreb 2-2 Monaco
High off a home fixture and eager to make amends after last week’s shellacking, Dinamo took 2 early on and looked to be cruising…. only to allow Monaco to claw back in the 74th and 90th minute. Crikey, some draws do feel like a loss.
Lille 1-0 Real Madrid
I spat out my seltzer when I saw this scoreline. The cat was not pleased. Lille’s defense was top-notch and goalkeeper Chevalier deserves a knighthood for his efforts (get it? <wink wink>). Even more surprising was the lack of Mbappè sibling storylines coming out of this.
Aston Villa Bayern 1-0 Bayern München
Out of all the storylines at play (Kompany vs. Emery, Martínez vs. Neuer, flashback to 1982, etc.) only one truly dominated. You’re probably tired of reading it, but I’m not tired of writing it… Jhon Durán is THE super-sub to end all super-subs after his “no look” long distance shot. End stop. And his post-match interview on CBS in Spanish was one of the best. Things. Ever.
Sturm Graz 0-1 Club Brugge
Listen. There had to be one bummer match. I’m guessing it was this one? UPDATE:
The Standings
Top o’ the Table

Middle o’ the Pack

Proper F*cked

We’ll be back again on October 22nd when Match Week 3 kicks off.
Check out Match Week 1
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