September 21
West Ham 0-3 Chelsea

I am willing to entertain the fantastical notion that Chelsea might not be as bad as I think. Certainly this mauling of a hapless Hammers squad would indicate thusly, even if it was a one-man show from a scintillating Nicholas Jackson (two goals and an assist). All West Ham could do on the afternoon is collect yellow cards.
At left: Chelsea manager Enzo Maresca has a post-match chat with Tosin Adarabioyo.
Aston Villa 3-1 Wolves
Wolves looked a proper team for one half, snarling and vicious, only to turn coat, expose their belly, and whimper their submission. Villa became Wolves’ daddy behind three late half goals, including Jhon Durán’s fourth in five substitute showings (calling him a super-sub at this point seems almost an under-statement).
Fulham 3-1 Newcastle
The Cottagers continue to ride the coat-tails of players from nearby neighbors Arsenal (and distant neighbors Wolverhampton), but in reality a win is a win is a win is a win. Just how clinical were Fulham? All eleven shots they took were on target (I suppose we should give props to the Magpies keeper Nick Pope for keeping the scoreline respectable).
Leicester 1-1 Everton
This was both teams’ best chance at a win so far in the season, so of course it was a draw. For the Toffees, this is the third consecutive match where they have forfeited the lead to lose or draw. Don’t blame the weather, Evertonians. Your team… JUST SUCKS.

Liverpool 3-0 Bournemouth
Kepa Arrizabalaga, still the world’s most expensive goalkeeper, drops a stinker at Anfield (admittedly after some fine stops) in the 25th minute. Liverpool’s South American contingent (Luis Díaz and Darwin Nuñez) then make the Cherries pay with a treble in quick succession.
Southampton 1-1 Ipswich
This was both teams’ best chance at a win so far in the season, so of course it was a draw. I got nothing else.
Tottenham 3-1 Brentford
After 22 seconds it appeared to be (bad) business-as-usual for Spurs after Bryan Mbeumo delivered a thumping volley into the net. But the Spurs showed uncharacteristic poise, pressed the Bees relentlessly, and ultimately cruised to a comfortable victory. Spursiness is still a thing, they just suppressed it this week.
Crystal Palace 0-0 Manchester United
The nil-nil draw is fascinating to analyze. Clearly this day belonged to the goalkeepers Dean Henderson (7 saves) and André Onana (4 saves). Both squads have reason to bemoan squandered chances, but Palace are likely more satisfied with the point even if it leaves them chasing their first win of the season.
September 22
Brighton 2-2 Nottingham Forest
Three red cards in one minute. Nobody is sure who ultimately nudged referee Rob Jones into brandishing a second yellow to Morgan Gibbs-White after he initially waved it off, but wags will point to fourth official Anthony “I Hand Out Yellow Cards Like Halloween Candy” Taylor. Then he goes and waves red at BOTH team managers!? Bonkers. What a shame this 90 seconds of card-sanity will overshadow what was a cracking football match.
Manchester City 2-2 Arsenal
Holy fuck. I’m still processing. Too much happened for Ten Seconds….
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